Posts filed under 'Yoga'
I started yoga again. Every morning in the living room with my roommate. We’ve been easing in toward a real ashtanga practice, and it’s been feeling good.
This morning I didn’t want to do it. Like any other facet of my life these days 97% of my body was just like “meh, fuck it, go lie down”. But I remembered my old yoga teacher saying that what you experience on the mat is a reflection of what you experience in life, and since I knew damn well I could complete a practice, doing so seemed to be a good way of showing my body that I can get past this overpowering feeling of motivational apathy.
But the part of me that gets depressed is actually pretty smart. It can out-smart me (and Gabe, or most of the people trying to talk me into feeling better) 9 times out of 10. And it put up a good fight. Why push through? Why do a practice? Why do something you don’t want to do anyway?
I did the practice. I wish I could say I feel satisfied.
I need something to be inspired about right now. I need a goal that is more concrete than running from Canada and exploring as soon as I finish up here at school. …Because that goal isn’t encouraging. That goal doesn’t have anything to do with me doing well while I’m here.
I’ve found a program, in Guelph of all places, that looks interesting. In their faculty of Family Relations and Applied Nutrition they have some neat looking programs, and one in particular seems to be calling out: Family and Couples Therapy.
Why you might ask? …I have some reasons. Maybe I’ll write about them later.
March 5th, 2007
Typically one of the most difficult things to adjust to in Japanese culture is the Onsens, or public baths. Just as the name implies, the basic idea is going to a public bath house.
A gai-jin’s (foreigner’s) first (couple) experiances with an Onsen can be quite tramautic. Well…mine was anyway. …it was during a week-long school trip to the south of Japan, and my classmates and I were required to use the Onsen (which is to say forbidden from using the showers in the hotel rooms). For the Japanese students in the class (everyone but me) this was no big deal. But I was a little un-easy: Get naked, get clean (which is to say wash yourself in the very open concept shower section with little stools for everyone, and showerheads placed about 4 feet apart from each other), hop into swimming-pool-sized-hot-tub thingy with all female classmates….hmmmm (to all the guys reading this: don’t get too excited, you’d have been with the guys).
None of my fellow classmates seemed to think much of it though, so I just went along with what everyone was doing and tried not to get too stressed out. (…imagine though, the predicament of trying to fit in and make sure you’re doing what everyone else is doing (and therefore needing to look at them), while simultaneously trying not to look at them (do to their nakedness) *sigh*). …anyway, once you’ve had an experiance or two with an Onsen, and the novelty wears off, the whole thing really grows on you. It’s just so relaxing and peaceful, and liberating in an odd way (to those raised in notably prudish western cultures).
I remember just before coming home to Canada, my host father, some friends of his and I climbed Mount Fuji. …It’s not really a difficult mountain to climb (it’s basically a glorified hike), but it does take a while, and after going straight up, and straight back down in under 24 hours your body is really feeling it. Directly after coming back down the mountain we headed to an Onsen. Given that I was the only female on the expedition, I was alone in the women’s section of the public baths (which is to say I didn’t know anyone, and noone approached me or spoke to me at all (partially because you don’t do that…but probably partially because I was a gaijin, and sometimes it’s just best to ignore them 
)). It was so gloriously beautifully relaxing. Sitting there soaking in water from natural springs, at the base of Fuji…*sigh*.
…relevance to today? I took a month off yoga and today was my second day back. My body is killing me. It feels good to be using muscles again, but to use them so intensely, and then step out into the frigid Canadian winter….it just doesn’t make the muscles happy. ….I really really would love to visit an Onsen. …something tells me we don’t have one in downtown Toronto though(…or that if we did, I wouldn’t like to be caught naked amongst those frequenting it)!
Ah well.
p.s. still torn about NDP vs. Green. …Conservatives are ahead in the poles. …if we have a Conservative government I’d be all over some NDP seats to even the scales out a bit. …and I really like Olivia Chow (who happens to be running in my riding). ….but I’m all for the Green philosophy, and feel it’s important to get their percentages up so people start taking them seriously. Thoughts?
January 16th, 2006
Wow! Wow! Wow!
I’m almost binding all by myself! And I feel so happy, and empowered, and excited and strong!
(not that I’m getting attached….cause that’s bad. No attachment to progress…*coughcough*)
The way Matt has been pushing us is starting to really show through in what I can now accomplish on my own. I haven’t learned any new poses since he arrived, but my improvement in confidance and strength has been amazing.
These last couple of days he’s really been at me about my gaze, but successfully ‘gazing toward the nose’ remains quite elusive. No matter how hard I try, when I attempt to gaze in the right spot, I invariably endup being half cross-eyed. …I suppose just like anything else the secret is going to turn out to be lying in not trying as hard, but I’m still a stage or two away from that epiphany on this one.
Great to be back anyway :).
October 25th, 2005
Yesterday Matt’s mom taught us, while Matt practiced with us. This was enjoyable on a couple of levels.
Firstly, part of what I love so much about learning under Paul and Rachelle, is that they split the time in half, each taking turns teaching, and practicing. So we get to see them in their own practice, as well as seeing them as teachers. This helps to enforce the importance of practice as a continual part of life, and to remind us that our teachers have been through most of what we’ve been through on the mat. …so it’s good to get a chance, now and again, to practice alongside Matt as well.
It was also amazing to see his mom as a teacher. Matt is a second-generation yogi. His parents were among Guruji’s first students, back (as his mom says) when “yoga was almost a cult kind of thing”.
I noticed her first about a week ago. Of course, when practicing, it’s ideal to keep your focus on your practice…but I couldn’t help but notice this woman, with white hair, flowing through the poses with more grace than I’d ever seen anyone but Paul, Rachelle, and Matt do before. At the time I didn’t have a clue who she was…but I wanted to know immediately. It was a couple of days before I ended up in a conversation after practice when it came out that she was staying with Matt (whom she hadn’t seen in a number of years) for most of his time in Toronto, to help him out (as running a Shala alone is quite a task).
I’ve always wanted to be rockclimbing in my 70s, or to live by a lake, and have a little sculling boat, and row every morning as the sun rises…I’m not really attracted to the idea of getting old, but if I do I want to be one of those people that you can never really figure out how old they are exactly (all things considered).
That’s what this woman is like. Her white hair implies she’s quite old, but only because I live in a place where everyone dies their hair until they hit at least sixty, and she doesn’t seem like the type to bother with that. Her face looks young, and her eyes are bright.
As a yoga instructor she had this amazing ability, as well, to adjust me by just laying her hands on me. Somehow she didn’t have to push me into anything, or say what she wanted me to change, just by placing her hands on my ribs, I knew she wanted me focusing on my breath…etc (very odd feeling).
Once again, I’m amazed at what a positive experiance it has been to work with other teachers, and what new perspectives it is giving me. I can’t wait to travel to Mysore myself…what a powerful experiance that would have to be.
This yoga is really fascinating stuff.
On the topic, of teaching yoga, and what it means (especially in today’s world of yoga as a fad), check out Paul’s blog (on Teusday Oct 11th)..very insightful.
October 15th, 2005
I knew enough about the body, without yoga, to know that pushing your body using caution, and acceptance of its limitations, will gently and slowly allow you to reach powerful new heights. …but that if you become afraid of injury, you will tense up, and are almost guaranteed to hurt yourself exactly in the way you are afraid of.
Over the last few days of my practice, however, my caution and acceptance with regards to my left knee has turned into an intense fear of injuring it. As always my knees are sensitive right now with the weather changing, but during practice I am making matters much worse by focusing so intensly on it that my body is unable to heal itself….
Does anyone have any brilliant insight into how to calm your mind back down off the edge, and bring that cautious acceptance back?
October 9th, 2005
Today’s practice was wonderful. I actually got to bed early enough, that I woke up a half an hour or so before my alarm went off. Getting to drift back to sleep lightly for another 20 minutes or so is one of my favourite things in the world. I got up finally around six, made my morning shake, and headed out the door.
It was noticably darker this morning than earlier in the week (although I have to admit I was about 15 minutes earlier getting out the door which probably made a differance), but in the end that just added to the very relaxed feel at the Shala. Matt has been keeping the music lower than Paul and Rachelle usually did, and whispers to us when instructing…so the overall feel is much more quiet (almost surreal) than before.
It’s been fascinating for me to experiance a new teacher. We’ve often had people stand in for Paul and Rachelle for a day or two, but there’s a very differant feel when you know you’re going to be with the teacher for a number of months…really adjusting and accepting their way of doing things (amazing that the same style of yoga, could be taught using the same method, and yet feel so differant).
Today, doing Marichasana A, Matt came over to adjust me. He got me much farther into the pose than I would have believed I could get. It made me laugh afterwards though, because he said very softly “Did you feel there, at the end how you gave in another few inches? That’s surrendering. Try to let yourself do that rather than fighting against me.” I’m not sure why it made me laugh. Just something about how obvious it was that it was silly for me to fight against him, and yet how he made it sound like an earnest suggestion (not to do it that is). I definately like the way he works with us.
October 7th, 2005
My teacher’s are leaving for India tomorrow morning, and since I’m going to my parents’ tonight for my brother’s birthday, I won’t get to see them again before they go. I have to admit, I was surprised at how hard it was to say ‘goodbye’. I will miss them much more than I had realized. Since Paul and Rachelle are leaving so soon everyyyyone has been showing up religiously to practice. Today the room was packed and had a great energy with alot of extra heat to help mold into poses. That many people always makes for a great practice.
Rachelle’s “bunda kick” has really been helping me focus on my breath and flow between poses rather than thinking really hard about everything. At this stage though, I’m a long way from actually acheiving the kind of awareness I’m striving toward…it reminds me of skating practice, a year or so before worlds, when I could get little flashes of being in ‘the zone’ during a set, but was a long way away from being able to perform there consistantly.
Marichasana B and D caused me alot of stress today. I’d been binding in both consistantly for quite a while, but on the first side couldn’t even get into B today. This whole set has been very difficult for me with my knees, and (Rachelle tells me) has been inducing very big overall adjustments in my body. This must just be a side effect of these adjustments…hopefully I’ll be back in again soon.
October 4th, 2005
Today was our first day at the Shala with Matt teaching us.
I will definately miss Paul and Rachelle while they are away in India, but I am very excited about learning from our new teacher for the next few months.
He has a wonderful energy, and seemed to be able to convince me to push myself much farther than usual with nothing but softspoken encouragement. 
October 2nd, 2005
I walked into the Shala this morning exhausted. I had been up too late, and it had poured rain all through the early hours of the morning, waking me up over and over again. My teacher looked at me warmly (like she always does) and asked how I was feeling. I admitted I was tired and she, with earnest empathy, said something to the effect of, “Yea…rainy days will do that to you.” She leaned in then and said “You know what though? I find this is my sunshine. Once I’ve done my practice nothing can hold me back”.
My teachers (see the ‘bios’ section on the site) are unbelievable. I had read religious texts and books on philosophy as long as I could remember, and filled journals with what I thought it meant to be a living piece of God, and how to live consciously and with peace of mind…but I’d never been able to slow my own mind down enough to take any of what I’d read or written and put it into action.
I tried meditation and yoga in a few different contexts, thinking it would be a good route to take…without anything ever sticking. This Shala that they have built, though, is incredable…and after only a few months it has had profound effects, not only on how my body looks and feels, but on how I feel in relation to the world, and situations I find myself in. My ability to focus has increased 10-fold, and I’m finally finding that the things I think about the world around me are growing near to the philosophies I’ve always held to be true.
My teachers guide us through Ashtanga Yoga in the traditional Mysore fashion. Each of us is on our own learning curve, working gradually through the routine, achieving new poses at seperate paces. We practice everyday, all-together, with our teachers walking around us helping us individually, rather than leading us in-sync.
These days (at least where I live) there are more styles of yoga being taught in more ways than you could hope to count. …and each one has its own benefits. For me though, I’ve gotta say: the support of daily practice combined with the empowerment of having “your own” practice inherant in the Mysore style is something I really love. If you’re interested in yoga, and have tried out a few differant styles but not found something that fits yet, I definately recommend checking it out.
Ashtanga Yoga Shala (Toronto)
Ashtanga Yoga Research Institute (Mysore, India)
September 29th, 2005