Garden of Daisies

Relationships (and the ends thereof)

July 26th, 2008

I was chatting with a friend yesterday about my breakup and he commiserated that, “relationships are hard.” To which I responded, “well, no.” As in that is not how I would characterize my thoughts on what has happened.

He nodded and said, “Yes, but, getting the ingredients right, it’s difficult.” And again I shook my head.

I find distasteful (if understandable) the inclination to imply and assume that a relationship can or ought to be judged by its having ended. Or the associated assumption that a relationship can be measured by its longevity.

I measure my relationships by the amount that we, as a couple, feel we have learned and grown together as a result of the inspiration and support we have offered and shared. Can this be correlated with the length of the relationship itself? Of course. But often it is not. And in fact many relationships that are incredibly long, it could be suggested ought not have been so, by more rational assessments of what it means to be in a good relationship. I consider it natural that just like most people, when I am in certain kinds of relationships I think about things like life-long partnership, raising kids, etc. …but that is not the ultimate goal of the exercise–not by a long stretch.

I do not, in anyway, characterize my current breakup as a loss, or any kind of comment on the glorious and flourishing relationship Gabe and I have shared. I consider it to be incredibly aptly timed, and I am proud of both of us for making the choice that feels right for us in choosing to move on and toward new paths. And I stress that these paths will not be ‘better’ for each of us than what we had when we were together, but might be ‘better’ than where we would end up if we chose to stay together now. Like everything else we have shared this breakup feels like a natural and positive progression, and I pray that our relationship is not ending but growing into something new, a loving friendship, which we will share as each of us moves on to new and exciting things.

Anyway, that’s just my thoughts on the matter, (the ones) which I thought I’d share.

Entry Filed under: Thoughts on other things..., My life