Women
I was chatting last night with my boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend(/old friend from public school) who also happens to have extremely strong ties to Ireland (both her parents came over from there), and we treaded in some extremely interesting waters. Once I was getting tired, and no longer cared if my ideas were coherent I shared something that had been striking me as odd but on which I had not yet been able to place a finger.
I find, I shared with her, that here in Canada it takes a very special event for me to put on makeup. And usually, makeup comes in an entire package with a nice skirt, good shoes etc. But I do it very, very rarely. And I would never throw on a pair of jeans, a nice shirt, and some mascara, I just wouldn’t do it. But when I’m in Cork, I have no problem doing that, and I can’t figure out why.
We talked about it for a bit, and then I shared that when I was over there this past weekend I met the (relatively) new girlfriend of a close friend of mine and how bizarre it was that I felt myself saying, “she was GORGEOUS, and a really sweet girl.” –I would never do that here, talking about a girl’s appearance like that. It wouldn’t sound right. It wouldn’t imply the right things…
So then we started talking about how what it means to be feminine seems to be different in the two places. The implications of choosing to be feminine are different. I brought up one of my cousins, who is just about the most striking, glamourous person I’ve met in real life, and how she’s also brilliant, funny, strong, loving etc. …and we discussed that as an image that doesn’t exist here. Here you make a choice. Either you are beautiful and stupid, or you’re smart and ugly. Either you are the type who takes too much time worrying about your looks, or you’re the type who doesn’t care.
Here saying someone’s girlfriend was gorgeous would come with bizarre undertones to do with her being shallow, or perhaps unintelligent. There it doesn’t at all. It’s just a compliment, that perhaps also implies that she takes care of herself, and cares (positively) about her appearance.
Here we have this strange sense of all-or-nothing. And of femininity as a sign of being opressed and objectified. And the weird thing is I’m not in the least bit a feminist. I find it hard to believe that women in the west are actively opressed–but there is a perception left alive over here in North America that just seems very strange. How we present ourselves shouldn’t feel related to opression. To feel like strong independent women we shouldn’t have to hide our makeup and pretend we don’t love gorgeous shoes. Those should absolutely be independent issues altogether. Or should they? Are they?
3 comments September 26th, 2007